The First of the Fallen
by bibliophilea
Summary: The angels have accepted their life of minimal interference as shepherds of the universe; but one angel begins to doubt...


**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, or Supernatural... and the ponds were slightly influenced by The Magician's Nephew, and from the fact that I have this idea where all parts of the Garden of Eden are connected to places all over the universe, with occurrences in one place influencing happenings in the other, and vice versa.**

The Angel stalked through the Garden of Eden. This in itself was troubling: as a rule, Angels didn't _stalk_. They flew, or slithered, or glided, or swam, or even occasionally walked, but they never _stalked_. Stalking implied agitation, and agitation implied emotions, and emotions were dangerous. Emotions caused doubt and judgment where there should only be trust and absolute faith: faith in the other Angels, faith in their way of life as shepherds of the universe and its inhabitants, merely observers occasionally nudging in the right direction—and of course, faith in the Lord, their Father, Creator of All that Was, All that Is, and All that Ever Would Be.

And yet, though this doctrine had been drilled into the head of every Angel from the moment they were complex enough to form thoughts of their own, the youngest of the Angels could never quite understand it. He loved his siblings and his Father, of course. He stood by their side as they watched the universe, helping the souls deemed Good reach Heaven, secretly living for the days when he was sent to interfere in the lives of mortals, silently dreading the days when they were to watch as terrible things happened to those same mortals. He had voiced his doubts before to his siblings: Zacharias had scoffed, and Uriel had chuckled, and Castiel, though his brow was furrowed, had said that their Father had made it so, and must have had a compelling reason for doing so. Then Balthazar made a joke, breaking the tension, and the Angels went back to observing and shepherding and accepting without question. But the youngest Angel still had doubt in his heart, though he never spoke of it to his siblings (with the exception of Joshua, who was extremely good at listening with interest and acceptance, and who often provided wisdom throughout the eons). He continued to live as his siblings did, the doubt steadily growing in him; until one day, it became too much to bear.

It was thus that Joshua saw his youngest brother storming through the Garden, trampling perfectly tended plants, a dark, serious look in his eyes.

"Little brother, are you… well?" he inquired, an eyebrow rising as the Angel looked up, startled from his reverie. The Angel slapped on a toothy grin, wide eyes regarding Joshua and his surroundings as if noticing where he was for the first time.

"Well? Of course I'm well! How can I not be well when all I do all day is watch the universe go by and guide a few souls now and then? I'm in perfectly good condition, watching from above, separated from everything going on right beneath my feet!" He lifted himself a few inches off the ground and pointed at his feet to emphasize his point, grin still in place.

"Ah. One of _those_ days. What was it this time?" Joshua inquired.

The Angel dropped with a heavy thud, his grin instantly replaced by a grim frown. He stared at a tree in the distance. His voice lowered, barely controlled emotion stirring beneath.

"Half of a galaxy. Stars and planets consumed by war, blown up or sucked dry and left to rot. Systems burning. Black holes and rips in reality being generated and used as weapons of mass destruction. Reapers of all types feasting on the aftermath." His voice lowered to a whisper, his eyes finding Joshua's, revealing the depths of his grief for the suffering of the mortals below.

"Joshua, I could hear them screaming, hear them begging for help in my head even as they burned, begging for us, begging for _Father_ to do something, anything, begging to be saved. Children crying and shrieking, not understanding what was happening to them as their world burned. I tried to save them, Joshua. Even when Father said we mustn't, I tried. They had to hold me back, drag me away from the scene." His eyes suddenly shifted away, his tone changing abruptly to become more light, affected, facetious. "They'll probably want to put me on probation. Stick me on another observation deck at the end of the universe during some quiet millennium where I can't cause any trouble." His eyes fixed on a small pond, more like a puddle, really, a few yards away. Joshua, seeing where he was staring, put a hand on his shoulder.

"Careful, brother. You're getting very emotional, and it's causing you to doubt. You—"

"I don't care!" The young Angel cried, pulling away. "You weren't there! You never saw them burn, never heard them scream! It was bad; it was terrible, horrible! It was wrong! I can't understand how Father could condone it, how our siblings could stand there and watch! I can't just sit around doing nothing anymore! Not if it leads to this!"

Joshua did not stir, did not blink an eye. He stared at his younger brother for a few moments.

"You understand what doing this means, don't you? None of our siblings have ever done this before. Once you go, you can't come back. You can't even keep your name."

"I understand," the young Angel whispered. "But I can't stay. Not after this. Life is so much more than watching. We should be fighting evil, saving people, helping and healing."

The corners of Joshua's eyes crinkled. "The Doctor of the universe?"

The Angel chuckled humorlessly. "Yes, I suppose so."

They walked over to the small pond. The garden was littered with ponds, of all different shapes and sizes, no two alike except in that they did not reflect the vegetation and stars above them. A cluster of ponds, the young Angel noticed, was scorched, their reflections black, empty. Looking down into this particular pond, they saw a field of stars, none of the constellations familiar. A middle-aged, mid-sized star was barely visible at the edge—nothing special about it, the universe was full of them. In its orbit, only just visible against the background, was a tiny blue planet, a small spark of life in a system isolated from most of the stars in its galaxy.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Joshua asked.

His youngest brother turned to him, staring him in the eye. "I have to."

Joshua smiled, looked at his younger brother.

"Then good luck, Doctor. I hope you find what you're looking for."

The Angel smiled back, waved a hand in goodbye. Turning to the pond, he stepped forward, sliding through the surface without leaving a ripple.

Slowly, but quickly gaining speed, the Doctor fell to Earth.


End file.
